molta_bella

Seriously don't know when I'll be back again.

BUCKET LIST #52: Spend my birthday in a plane for 12 hours. = CHECK!

A fresh, new perspective in a fresh, new environment. Recovery is but an arms reach.

What happens to ones' brain when it is deprived of stimulation? What happens to the subconscious and the emotional psychology of a person when it goes deeper and deeper into total isolation? When at the beginning it began as loneliness, and lack of meaning or purpose; then the sudden self-decision to pull oneself out of society. Where to go now...

There's something. There's something, can't quite figure out. Why. . . Why does one get so filled with emotional baggage when there was nothing traumatic that happened in childhood? Or nothing that figures as traumatic but may well be. Yes it's definitely genetic but why now? It's been controlled for so long. Quarter life crisis is too miniscule a description. What if... something in a past life. Something I'm supposed to figure out in this life is hauntingly depressing. It seems innocuous from the perspective of an outsider or someone who has never had to deal with such paranoid brain chemistry.

Cannot allow it. It's eating at the core. Have to get out. Need a new perspective. Need a less isolated environment.

Hoping to still be able to get a ticket. Have to leave. Have to leave. It's intolerable. Need a prodigious change of air.

So my younger (biological) brother is getting married on the 15th! And I just found out about it. What kills me is that he's marrying a girl that I only met January, when he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years just a few months ago. So it's only been a few months really that he's known her, so of course I ask my (biological) dad the most immediate question that would come to mind, "did he get her pregnant?" And he answers a direct "yes!". So girlaloosh is preggers, they then have to get married???

Great...my bro is 23 years old, of course I'll still be the older sister and barrate him with my eternally arrogant knowledge of self-righteousness. Aren't we, anyway, all, at some point self-righteous when we criticize and/or judge a person without yet knowing them well enough? Well, what Assumptionista doesn't have a sharp tongue and audacity to find something wrong with people they don't typically like =p It's really disturbing, but I think (& hope) I've done much better in terms of being less surpeficial and just plain "growing up".

MOVING ON. What irresponsibility...blah blah...and most of all, what kind of stupidity for 2 young people to think that marriage will solve it. Okay so they grew up in the province, so the f--k what? I was raised Catholic too but I never believed for 1 minute that it is the mans' obligation to marry the girl because they're having a baby together. Who's going to take care of the baby? The grandparents? Wow, what an ego boost for my brother. *cough* Marriage is not just an event, it's a life-long engagement, it's not a damn wedding. It's a life-long commitment between 2 people who understand, and are willing to take on the challenges of life together, responsibly.

But that's just my opinion...

MAYBE... in some twisted way, they really love each other. I mean, what right do I have to judge when I don't even really know what transpires between those 2 people? In any relationship, we can gossip and make assumptions as much as we'd like but we never really know the truth that exists between 2 people. Maybe, having the baby struck them sober, and caused an epiphany that will make both parents start something great, and be able to move out and take care of themselves; AND the baby. Maybe their kid will be the next great hero to be compared to Jose Rizal, or be the next great Gary V/Francis M/Ely Buendia. Haha I don't know! I just really want to believe that there always is a greater meaning to what we foresee is a mistake, that there really is a great big light at the end of that great fat tunnel.

FO SHIZZLE MA NIZZLE

"fo shizzle ma nizzle" is a bastardization of "fo' sheezy mah neezy" which is a bastardization of "for sure mah nigga" which is a bastdardization of "I concur with you whole heartedly my African american brother"

Met some random guy in CubaoX last Satuday night. Drummer for a band (pretty known so let's not name names). 22 years old. He stops me in the middle of the road while walking away from the restrooms.

DRUMMER: "Hey! ...Have to tell you, you look really good."

ME: "Uhh...thanks. And you are?"

DRUMMER: "*@#&%*$"

ME: "Cool. I'm Tin."

DRUMMER: "You're not going home yet I hope"?

ME: "No. I'll be at the gallery. Find me." (sabay wink)

[Tangina Teen! eez deez zyhu??)

So he did find me, we talked for what seemed like a pretty long time for an inebriated girl. Honestly, he's so not my type but he's pretty good looking and he plays drums for a band, COME ON! And he does remind me of the dark, brooding, artist types, PERFECT! He better be a genius songwriter and write me a song. KIDDING. Although, wouldn't that be a good story to tell my grandchildren? He tells me he has a girlfriend and proceeds to hold my hand. BAD. It takes 2 to tango. My friends are whistling in the background as we talk then they call out that we were going in a bit and to hurry up. He drags me away and asks if we could walk around CubaoX first. I agree. In those dark, secluded places, man was I in for the kill huh? So we're talking and holding hands, then he sits down near some plant life (sht I dunno man, it was dark and I was out of it), I started to notice the sun coming up so the rest of his speech was flying over my head. So I say:

ME: "So do you wanna make-out"?

(at the same time he says):DRUMMER: "Gusto mong mag-smokes?"

He realizes what I just said and says:

DRUMMER: (taken aback and embarrassed) "Huh? ...ohhh...umm.." (huge grin on his face)

My friends start screaming that we're leaving already.

ME: "Sorry did I make you blush? Look, I'm going home soon, and we both know you didn't drag me here to just talk."

I AM OFFICIALLY A SLUT :p HEYLZ NO!

Anyway, we started arguing because he wanted me to stay and go to his place. Umm...hello? I was still raised with a Catholic/all-girl school upbringing, regardless! So he was sulking and upset.

ME: (gave him a kiss on the cheek and said) "Well, it was nice meeting you."

DRUMMER: "Ganun na lang ba..."

ME: "Sorry hun, but you lost your chance. See ya when I see ya!"

AND WE DIDN'T EVEN EXCHANGE NUMBERS...

Sun was up! Had to go.

Just came home from a long TEAM BUILDING with my co-workers, my boss and our students in THE BEACH! (Thanks SHAV! You're sumthen else! Hahaha!) Got a good tan! WUHOO! And had AN AMAZING time with my fellow workmates & students. One for the books! The boys went streaking! In the shadow of the moonlight.

Before I forget to mention, on the car ride there, my boss tells me: "No sex with students, and that means no making out either". Uhhhh....mukha ba kong pinalaking putaching? HEYLZ NO! Shit my boss is funny!"

THE MOST SIGNIFICANT OPM BAND OF PINOY ROCK...rocks on! MABUHAY ANG E-HEADS! ....MABUHAY SI FRANCIS M! (rest in peace)
THE ERASERHEADS REUNION CONCERT FINAL SET (ANG HULING EL BIMBO)

I'm still on a MAJOR HIGH from that concert. VIP tickets for free?! Found out while still in the beach, and the concert was that night!!! I am the luckiest bitch on the planet! :-D



Rest in Peace Francis M.

So the last few days have been hectic. I've never had 3 meetings in one day! But it's all free food, (thanks Lex! not Mitjavile ha. Lex my boss). Well, it helps that my boss owns Whistlestop so we hold all our meetings there. Thing is, I think I've gained too much mtha fckin weight! ALL MY FAULT. I should control, plus the iced tea, I take too much, which has so much sugar!

I met with this cool girl Pam who's an editor for 2 sections of The Inquirer and she's so young! She's awesome, she had uber funny kwentos about her mom. Met Quark again, he was at the meeting with Pam. He's really cool too, I mean he owns Magnet and he's the one that comes up with their zany and whimsical themes. He made ROCKEOKE what it is now. Monday nights used to be a bore (besides Happy Mondays at Embassy which has been pretty dead for the last year and a half), and now there's something to look forward to on the awkward Monday nights. He's a successful independent film maker and what made him want to get into film was when he watched Quentin Tarantino's "Pulp Fiction". Funny thing is, when Quentin came to the Philippines (Quentin? ay first name basis! Yezz close!), he saw a few films and really wanted to meet and only wanted to meet Quark. Plus if you remember my past entries, form a year ago, Quark helped me out by telling me the lyrics of a Cranberries song while he sand duet with me in Rockeoke and he didn't even know me! I told him this, and he said: "Oh you're that girl! yes I remember you!" . Awww! I know his sister, since she's from Assumption hehe. Oh yes, last Monday in Magnet they had the "Girls Night Out" Rockeoke which meant all the songs were from girl bands, even the Spice Girls, Madonna, etc. HOW KHUL WAS THAT?! And on Tuesdays in Magnet, they have the "LIGHTS OUT NIGHT" wherein it's all lights out and dark and you come in with your own flashlights/glowing/any light equipment you may have and you dance in the dark with those to the music of The Cure and similar bands. POTAH! RAK & ROL! Speaking of which, that's his next movie that's coming out soon.

Last night when I got back, tired as ever, I had to finish filling up some documents when I got home then ran at 10pm. Oh ya, before I forget, I'm officially registered in the Singapore Sundown Marathon this May! WUHOOOOO!!!!! Told my boss already and he's happy for me :) It's just 2 days off work anyway! Hello? Probation pa ko. I've got a really cool boss though. He even went to work yesterday morning with shades on, a jacket zipped to his neck and asked "Do I look like I have a hangover"? To which Tracey and I replied: "Why? Were you drunk last night"?. Lex: "Well, do I look sick or do I look like I have a hangover"?...me: "So you obviously drank ahahaha!". So after running last night, I still went out to Ponti around midnight, Rina offered to pay for my cab just so I could go, which I did, and she did pay. Yvette told me to go earlier but I couldn't hitch with her because she didn't bring her own car. Ended up staying...this really, as in REALLY made my night: (sorry but I will be arrogant as usual =p Who doesn't like feeling good about themselves once in a while? Difference is, I don't mind telling the whole world):

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So to summarize, I now work at The One School which is the partner school of the already famous SOFA Manila (School of Fashion & the Arts). Under The One School which I am handling, are SHIFT (School of Intermedia, Film & Technology) and SOE (School of Entrepreneurship). Our partners/teachers for SHIFT are Quark Henares (famous for his Indie movies in the Phil, which Quentin Tarantino is a huge fan of), and the founders of Team Manila. That is an incredibly awesome course. And of course we have the School of Entrepreneurship and we have partnered up with the 5 gurus called ACE who left AIM and joined us.

It's been FUN! I'm allowed to go out at night so I meet more people and do PR. The places we want to market, SHIFT especially, are places I go to a lot anyway. I LUUUURVE ARTISTS! Saguijo, Magnet, Mogwai, Route 196, and the like. My work is flexi time. I can go 8-5, 9-6 or 10-7, since if I go out the night before I can go to work late. I never went to work after 9 though because I like the work I do. My boss is SO NICE! He's really cool. You know when they say (esp. The Secret) that we attract what we want. That's not necessarily true, we attract what we are. And I am this job. It's so weird, I wasn't even looking and it just fell unto my lap. [P.S. THANK YOU KIMI-UHH! Owe you for life!]

Last Friday was absolutely fantastic! We went to Isa's house and celebrated midnight for Ina's birthday!!! WE PLAYED GUITAR HERO FROM 12:30am-4 IN THE FREAKIN MORNING! What's awesome about Isa's guitar hero, is that she has not only the guitar, but the drum set and a mic! WOOT WOOT! We're such rock stars!

Saturday night, surprise party for Banina. AN ICE CREAM PARTY!!! The one she planned for me on my birthday but Stefano was being a retard telling Ina we're such girls because I just had a picnic party a few days before. ANYHOO. After the surprise ice cream party at my place, off to Olfatos! in Rockwell. His mom said Lex and I were real friends. And that I was very pretty. Haha! Thanks for making my night Tita! Then off to Fiamma, then Handle Bar, then Divino on Burgos. Constant followed to Divino, yay! Ended up having breakfast with Chris and Lex and ya... haha. I don't remember much except that the sun was so bright and I realized I needed to sleep.

Sunday, Chris invited to Tagaytay but I had to run errands for work. Nic kept calling to meet up but I was running against time. Isabelle (one of the Frenchies) helped me run my errands then she had dinner with me and my family in Sentro in Greenbelt. Had coffee with her after in Rockwell then my boss called! So went over to the Frenchies place also in Bel-Air then walked home then asked my bro to drop me where my boss was so I could give him a cd that he needed. APPARENTLY my boss and brother know each other and I just found out that night! At 11pm I had a full body Shiatsu/Swedish/Thai combo massage in my house, oh I slept like a baby!

Today we had a press conference. this Italian dude from Milan came to explain the Marangoni school of fashion in Milan...I think he's the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my life! Talk about a Roman g-d. I think he's the only reason why we all stayed at work. My officemates are a hoot! Hahaha! G-d! Dayumn! HE IS ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS! I could eat his ass right here right now. He's married! Well at least he's not gay! ...Okay, I already am sick today. After the massage last night, all my lymph nodes are out and killing me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Christmas and New Year's were AH-MAZING! But I can't update at the moment. Thing is, I owe this journal, a LONG-ASS summary. But too much has happened. So let me start by saying, this is what made this year the start of what dreams may come:

"Hi Tin! We have made our decision and we are pleased to welcome you in our team. :) Can you come in on ---- to discuss salary? Then if everything is ok, that will be your first day na rin. :)"

This year I shall Plan my hours to be productive! Plan my weeks to be educational! Plan my years to be purposeful. Plan my life to be an experience of growth. Plan to change. Plan to grow.

[There's another Singapore marathon this May! THIS TIME I will be registered damnit! EARLY BIRD! Singapore here I co0o0ome! & more visits to the orphanages. Besides the fact that I'm being paid to go out and meet people, which I do anyway, I guess there's only one thing missing...]

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
—Henri Bergson






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4 DAYS AGO I was craving. Something salty, something sweet, something crunchy and something really spicy. When I get cravings, it's usually one after the other, this time it was all at the same time! So I heated myself instant noodle soup and put a large amount of chilli flakes for my something really spicy. Melted some white cheese to go with my toasted Almonds, drizzled with olive oil and lots of salt, for my something salty and something crunchy. For my something sweet, all I could find was a Coke Light, sweet enough. I pretty much figured out I was going to get my period with that incredolous craving. And that was dinner.

YESTERDAY was G-R-E-A-T! Was in an absolutely fantastic mood for no real reason. Which is kind of funny because it was the 2nd day of my period.

TODAY I am on a rollercoaster of emotions. Not a good day. I'm pissed. I'm jealous. I'm bloated. I'm breaking out! I have a party to go to Tomorrow night. DAMN YOU PERIOD! DAMN YOOOOUUUUUU



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Ok so I've been seeing my old friends who I haven't seen in 2 years, 3 years and last Wednesday a whole group of people I hadn't seen in 8 years! Those were my friends during my formative years as a young teenager doing what I had so much passion in and was great in. Theater. So anyway, this coming Dec. 9 my sister surprisingly asked me to audition (when I have not done professional singing in 8 years!) for the musical "A Spring Awakening". I don't know what's gotten into me but THIS IS WAR! Now frankly, this is training (for only a week) I'd rather die doing than being mediocre in the end. I am going to audition because frankly I want my life back! The life I was really great at. I never and do not like being a disappointment to my family and definitely don't want to be a failure to my friends anymore...

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IT'S THE BEST ONE YET...

MINISTER: “It’s a mystery how we fall in love. Who we fall in love with. Why we fall in love at all, but we do. And when we do, we make vows to declare and confirm that love forever.

This episode was all about facing your fears no matter how scary the outcome may be. There is no shame in trying; only regret in not going after something you used to love only because you are afraid. - http://blogs.trb.com/network/cwsource/2008/05/one_tree_hill_season_finale_om.html

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I wish I were his comet...

OK GUYS! GRABE! GRABE! GRAAAAABE!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN! I SWEAR I'm like a teenage girl again. Okay where shall I begin? How about from 3 weeks ago? MY LONG AWAITED DETAILED JOURNAL ENTRY. ONLY FOR THOSE CURIOUS ENOUGH TO LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH MOI ;)
edited at 11:25 p.m. 09/01/08
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